Coming off the "mountain"

I've been sitting atop the mountain for the last few weeks... so completely filled up that nothing could bring me down. It was amazing... breathtaking from that view. I haven't felt quite that good for a long time. I rarely get to the low points I used to, but it's been a while since I felt so alive. It was a beautiful combination of God, friends, fellowship, and His preciously orchestrated timing. It had a lot to do with the wonderful people and deepening friendships. I knew I couldn't sit up there forever... that it was a time set out to be reminded of where I've been and how far I've come, to know that I am loved and that I can step outside of my comfort zone.

I think that sometimes being around people for extended periods of time reminds me how alone I feel the rest of the time. I get used to spending a lot of time by myself, and I naturally seem to put up a barrier so that when I don't get "filled up", I'm still okay and happy. It's a facade for others, and an even bigger one for me. I realize that God created us to be close with other people, to desire that contact and conversation. And He created me to be loving. I can't change that part of me, although I seem to try and repress it frequently. That is a big part of me, something that makes me, me. I think that I'm struggling tonight with what I know to be true and what I feel. It's very apparent that God has provided for me, ALWAYS, for needs I knew I had and even the desires of my heart that I didn't. I know that HE is just as much here as He has been the last few weeks, and that all of those friendships are as well. And yet my heart is still lonely tonight... I'm still a bit sad that things aren't different. I'm a little less content with where I am, especially when compared to where I thought I'd be. I just want to be filled up... and stay that way for a while.

How He Provides

What a wonderful and special weekend... again! (Smile)

I got to spend time with wonderful friends and my sweet sisters... talking, watching movies, learning about one another, and marveling at all of the wonderful ways in which our amazing god works!

As a friend and I were driving home yesterday from a mini-retreat, we discussed how God can be everything we need. He's a Savior, father, a husband, and even a mom. Up until yesterday I had never considered that He could fulfill that role for me. I know that He can do all things, and I know that He has completely provided for me since my mom died. And yet to put Him in that role simply hadn't occurred to me. When I reflect on how He's taken care of me, He has placed many "moms" directly in front of me that I might receive the love and encouragement that I need. And He's done it with intricate detail - women who love Him, who have experienced hurt and loss, some who can relate and some that can't, some to give hugs, some to hold hands, and many to pray. He has for all intent and purpose been my mom! AMAZING! :) And so beautiful. It leaves me feeling even more humble, and so incredibly grateful! There's a line in the "New Unger's Bible Dictionary" on comfort that explains what I've received so perfectly: "True comfort strengthens us to face life bravely and keep on going." God is our comfort, and He surely provides it!

I am blessed beyond measure at how He loves me. I am surrounded by such special people! I pray that all of the blessings I have received will be given back to each of you! My heart is full of thanks for each of you that are my encouragers and my friends.

Have a wonderful week... seek His face, and know you are loved~

Filled up and Loved Up

What an amazing, incredible, and so very much needed weekend! I got home feeling filled up from all the praise, and feeling loved from spending the weekend with such a special and wonderful friend.

I went down to Roseville on Friday to spend the weekend with a friend. We had tickets to go see Chris Tomlin Friday night in Sacramento. So we went downtown and had dinner and then went to the show. Israel Houghton opened for him. I know, you're probably thinking what I did... "Who is that?" Well, turns out he's written a ton of worship songs, all of which I knew. He was great! Then Chris Tomlin came out and rocked the auditorium. Can I just say that having live worship with 3000 other people led by Chris Tomlin is totally and completely moving?? It was so good. He sang for almost 2 hours. It was just flat... good. I absolutely recommend Chris's new cd!

Saturday my friend I hung out, went shopping, and ate way too much good food. :) We had quality time together filled with good conversation. It reminded me how perfectly and wonderful the Lord has provided for me and how much He loves me. I have been blessed with such special friends and people that I get to love and receive love from. I know I'm very lucky! And I know that I don't get to see my friend nearly enough. I left feeling like I just needed more time.

This morning we got up and went to church at Bayside in Granite Bay. I used to go to church there when I lived in Sacto... it's a beautiful church with a large congregation. Well, their pastor is currently in Kenya, so they are having guest pastors for a few weeks. Needless to say, the guest pastor today was Louie Giglio! He was fantastic! If you don't know who he is, look him up. He is affiliated with Chris Tomlin and many other great artists. He is one of the lead people for Passion Conferences/Crusades that happen on college campuses. He shared this morning about "grace", something that I don't think we can ever hear often enough! And he always shared a story on "Fruitcake and ice cream". It's too much to explain here, but look it up. It will move you!

All in all, I had an amazing weekend, and I came home wishing it didn't end quite so quickly. I am full of Him, and revived to start the week. I'm so grateful for the many blessings....

Little reminders

Isn't it strange how a something as simple as a song can make one remember something precious? It's beautiful and ridiculous all at the same time. Sometimes I feel as though I'm strong, and I can discuss and think about anything. Other times a phrase, location, or even a song, make me think of something and I'll weep.

I was sitting in my truck today and a familiar song came on the radio. As I was singing along, the song invited in a personal memory, and before I knew it I was crying. It was a Carrie Underwood song... I think the name of it is "Remember Me". In the song the mom had put money in the ash tray in case she runs short on cash. It reminded me of when my mom had her first chemo treatment, and I drove up just for one night because I was so worried about her being sick and just needed to see for myself that she was indeed okay. (She was good at not letting you in on just how bad she was feeling). When I left she said she had put something in my wallet for me, and told me not to argue with her. She said it meant a lot that I came up to be with her. It's just the kind of thing a mom does I guess, but it makes me feel special knowing that it was something MY mom did. :) I enjoy happy memories like that....

Here and Now

I attended a service on Sunday morning in which I heard some words that really hit home for me. Pastor Gary at EV Free was finishing up a series on the 7 people you'll meet in Heaven. (In case any of you are wondering, the 7th person is Eric Liddell - you'll have to visit their church's website to get the other 6). :)

I think the thing that struck a cord with me the most was that God planned for us to be exactly where we are... from the place we were born, the parents we were born to, the town in which we currently live, and all the places we've lived before. Pastor Gary said that He chose a place and time where we'd have the best advantage to find and receive Him... that not one of our lives is a mistake. Ever feel like your life is haphazard and you're not sure why you're here? I know I have.... Sometimes when I feel so low that I can't see past my current circumstances, simply knowing that I was created by a God that loves me is enough to help me take my next breath. The pastor went on to say that everything from our education and hobbies to our spiritual gifts were created in us so that we could know and serve Him better. He created us each uniquely and perfectly, completely different from one another, so that we would each serve our own purpose. Our Creator is the master craftsman, the infallible potter. That He would make us each so specifically is nothing short of beautiful.

"Faith is to be lived out through how God has made you and understanding He comes first". When we take a stand for Him in our lives, sacrifice, and show our commitment to Him, He will honor our dedication. What it all comes down to is Love. Love for Him, and then love for other people. One of the last points Gary listed is "Let your life be a complete surrender". I think this made me realize all of the things I was holding onto the past couple of weeks need to be laid at the foot of the cross. The hurts, the disappointments, each situation that I wasn't willing to let go of... all of these can be better serviced by Him. We're always going to be hurt and disappointed by people, it's just life. And Christ understands that. He is a loving God, and He is merciful. We need to trust Him with our lives, right down to the direction our lives go. He was big enough to create us... I'm willing to bet my life that He is capable of directing our paths also. :)

Jeremiah 29:11 has been resonating in my heart for the last couple of week, so I'll end with that.
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '

I'm confident that His plans for each of us is to give us a hope, and a future... better than anything we could ever imagine. And I'm so grateful. :)

2 Essentials

Pastor Stan preached a great sermon today... one definitely worth repeating and sharing with my out of town friends. :) It's on the essentials in our lives, of which everything else stems. It helped remind me of my priorities, and that my life should reflect those things... not just be filled up with things that take time but that don't root.

The two essentials are this:
1. Love God
2. Love other people

Pretty simple right? Absolutely. But it's not just saying you love God and love other people, it's reflecting that in the things you do and the way you live. It's not enough to just say it. Ever hear "actions speak louder than words"? We all know they do.

Pastor gave 4 things that we can to do show those two things.
1. Be real always
Being fake and phony is usually because we're insecure, shallow, or carrying pride... and if we're doing those things, the focus is on us and not on God. When we're not being ourselves, we're taking away the individuality that He created in us. When we're trying to be like other people, or pretending to be someone we're not, we're not being who He created us to be.
It's so easy to get wrapped up in trying to please other people and be what they want you to be, but the reality is that only one opinion matters, and HE created you to be a particular way, and loves you just as you are. (Joshua 24:14 - "Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness.")

2. Keep it simple
Do activities that matter and reflect the priorities in your life. If you are too busy, you often miss opportunities to see what He wants you to see, and you may miss chances to show your love for Him and those around you. Our activities should bring meaning and fulfillment to our lives. As Stan said, we all still have things we have to do like cleaning house, cooking, etc. But our "electives" should carry meaning and value to us. Are the things you choose to do in your free time reflecting the essential things in your life?

3. Keep your life prioritized
"Love that isn't expressed isn't worth much". That phrase just really said a lot to me today. I'm a bit out of outwardly expressive person, and likewise I often feel like everyone should love like that. Not everyone does, and I've learned that. But if you never tell people or show people that you love them, how do you expect them to know? My philosophy for life is that we should live as though today is the very last day we'll get to tell those around us how much we love them. We aren't promised the next minute, let alone tomorrow. We should cherish those around us... each minute we get with them, each conversation had, and all of the laughter (and even tears). I'm thinking back over the last few years and all of the people He has used to encourage me, support me, and love me. People are so precious!

4. Re-examine your life
Take inventory... hold onto the things that are good, and let go of those that aren't. We should decide what stays in our lives based upon what matters the most.
I think that many of us tend to do this every few months anyhow, simply because we get too busy and overloaded and are forced to stop doing some things. But it's important to refocus frequently also.

I hope that you all have a great week, and that you find blessings in the ordinary beautiful things of your life... hugs, smiles, laughter and friends. May He bless you richly and completely this week as you LOVE! ~

Mission Trip

In one word: AMAZING! I have been thinking about all the things I wish I could put into words to describe the trip, and I'm not sure there are any that would do it justice. I know it was the perfect way to end the year for me. Not only was it nice to be away from all phones and email, but it was just so wonderful to be able to serve God for a week. The people that we met were humble and loving. The kids were sweet and so much fun to be around.

I think one of my favorite parts of the trip was the New Year's Eve service. It was a time of praise of worship (in English and Spanish), a time of bringing two cultures together, and a time of reflection and thanks for the year we've had with a commitment for the new year. We literally prayed in the new year. It just reminded me that He is in control of our lives. His love is so very apparent and real. Last year represented so much change in my life... and it makes me excited to see what He'll do this year.

The trip offered so much more than I imagined... I can't wait to go back! Since I really can't put it into words, I'll put up a few pictures. :)

This is after our first day of "work". Amy, Emily, me and Chris
Our one morning of beach visiting and sand dollar collecting: Emily, Amy, Gay, me
A picture of the church before... (actually, we had put down the concrete pads that you see, but you can still see the front of the church)
An "after" picture. The windows and roofing will be completed by a member of our church that lives down there in the winter time. Initially we were asked to build 1 Sunday school room for the kids. This church has one service, and it's held Sunday evenings. The kids were going outside in the dark, cold and DIRT to hold Sunday School. So, because we had the funds, materials, and a whole lot of drive, they got 2 rooms instead of one. :)

If you want to see more pictures, there are some posted on the mainpage of my church's website at: http://fbcmountshasta.com/default.aspx

and more pictures under the mission's section at:
http://fbcmountshasta.com/missions.aspx

I'll be honest and tell you I started this post well over a week ago... and I've now been home over 3 weeks. I've struggled putting into words all that this trip entailed for me... the changes, the growth, the relationships - everything that occurred blessed me beyond my wildest dreams, and by far more than I deserve.

Overall this was just an incredible trip that I'll never forget. I wasn't quite ready to come home... I just wanted "more". It created a hunger in me to serve Him in new and different ways. And I'm praying hard that He'll use me however and wherever He can.