I'm sure at some point everyone feels this way... maybe some of us more than others, but I'm very much struggling with obedience right now. It's not about making time for God, or spending time in conversation with him, it's about having a message reiterated to me in several ways and still not being able to fully wrap my arms around it and LIVE it. I know that God tells us to love other people, even the ones that we don't think deserve it, because he loves us and he loves them. I feel like I really give everyone the benefit of the doubt and accept them how they are, but there are a few specific people who have just continually treated me terrible, and I can't seem to overcome it. One current situation is very much impacting my life, and as much as I try to change the situation it always seems to get turned around. I know that God places obstacles in front of us for many reason. I know that he wants to bring out the bad so that he can "refine" us. I know that he wants us to learn from the experience and show the love of Him even if we can't feel it ourselves. And I know that he wants us to reach out and live his word, and love because he loves us and his love is in us. But even knowing all of those things, and believing them all, I can't get past this particular situation. I just want to take the side route and avoid it... wait for God to put another obstacle in my path at a later time that I can then deal with and learn from. This one has been a work in progress for months, and the situation has only worsened.
I just feel like I'm slipping from my "high", and retreating some. I know that God doesn't want that to happen, and that it doesn't please him. I guess that maybe I'm just feeling a bit stuck and I don't know how to cope with it. I just want to please God and make him proud. I want it to always be clear that I am His, that I belong to Him, and that my life is different because of it. Right now I don't feel as though that is evident.
So with all of that being said, today I'm thankful for: family, time spent together, special people that know you are feeling sad and sit with you in church, Noah's smiles, Sunday School, belly laughs, and God's unconditional and everlasting love.
Gift from the heart, and created by hand....
3 days ago