It's surprising to me how one can go from being elated, feeling untouchable to the world, to feeling defeated and low. I wish I could explain it, see it approaching and talk myself out of it. I was suddenly struck by an overwhelming feeling of being unworthy last night... unworthy of the love He has given me, unworthy of the forgiveness and promise of eternity. I haven't done anything in the last few days or weeks (or even months) that makes me feel different, but I realized that I'm so far from perfect. My heart aches and I can't see past it. I feel unworthy of those around me even. I feel as though I'm not as good as others, that I'm difficult to love. I have no doubts that my "wall" has a flaw in it... that the enemy has stepped inside of it and that he is taking advantage of my weakness. It doesn't change the view from here though. I know the strides I have made, the reformation in my heart, and the changes in my desires. I know that I love HIM more than anything, and that He can heal my wounded soul. And I also know His promises. I just wish all of those things could turn around every wrong feeling that I have right now.
So I will praise Him in everything... in every season. I'm clinging to the knowledge of His love for me tonight.
In The Garden....
6 days ago