Friday, December 5, 2008

This and that

This week has been exhausting, reflective, and sad. I haven't had a week like this one in a long time, and I think so many things played into it. It's interesting to me how life can go from okay and "going" to fear, anxiety, and emotion driven.

There are people losing their jobs left and right, and God has just really put a soft spot in my heart for them. I can't imagine being handed my last check and wondering how I would provide for my family, especially during this season of giving. I know that it's happening everywhere, and things are likely to get worse before they get better. I just really feel like we need to be praying more fervently for God's light to shine through us and in us to support those who are desperately in need. Lord, let your love surround these people!

The enemy has gotten to me a bit this week... I'm experienced jealousy, pride, hurt. I began looking to people (again) for fulfillment instead of the only One that can truly provide it. I think it's plain insecurity - "I'm not good enough to receive", "I'm too closed off/my wall has been built back up", "what I have to offer is not of significance". Sometimes I need acceptance, affection and affirmation, and I often forget that I already have it from the best source. I see other people around me on the receiving end of what I'm not getting. It seems so petty... it is petty. Maybe it comes down to wanting to please other people, and trying to be what is acceptable to others. It's unsatisfying. There will never be fulfillment in it. Only Christ can satisfy that hunger, and provide the unconditional love that our hearts so deeply desire. Praise Him for being a God who knows us so completely! And for meeting every single one of our needs! :) He loves us so much... what a real and true thing we can find peace in, grow in security, and find shelter under. I'm thankful that He always lets me come back to the foot of the cross. Humbled by His grace and His mercy, on my knees, knowing I'm only here because of His love and forgiveness. AMEN!

No comments: