If my mom were still here, she would be turning 61 today. I can’t believe it’s been 3 ½ years since she went to Heaven… or that we’ve been able to make it that long without her. The loss of her in my life felt as though it would kill me. I didn’t know how to move forward without her next to me – without her giving me daily encouragement, without the peace she put in my heart, or just knowing that she was no longer here. Today I desperately want to celebrate the life she lived, but I’m struggling to see past the fact that she didn’t get to live it long enough… that I didn’t get to have her long enough.
As time has passed, I’ve been able to see even more so how special my mom was. She loved me in a way like no one else ever will be able to. I suppose she loved me as only a mother can love her own. She was my biggest advocate, and she believed in me. She never let my hurt or anger deter her from just loving me. She knew that above all else I just needed her to be there and to show me that she wouldn’t leave me – especially when I needed it most and often least deserved it. I miss being able to talk to her and having her walk through the tough times with my sisters and me. I think we’ve all learned in the past year just how much she really carried us and protected us in the storms. A few months ago I saw a mother goose extend her wing out and tuck her babies up underneath it. It was the perfect illustration of what a mom is – she shields, protects, and shelters her babies always. I miss having my mom to do that.
Mom – as I went to bed last night, I prayed that you would be celebrated in Heaven today. I am celebrating you in my heart and know that I am who I am today because of you. It’s because you loved me so much – you told me, you showed me, and you lived that love every day. You taught me how to be sensitive to other people and how to love them with my whole heart. You gave me strength when I couldn’t find my own, and you encouraged me when you couldn’t walk along my path with me. You always said you were the one who was blessed when God chose you to be our mom, but He really blessed us – your daughters. I hope that I make you proud in the way I live, and that I carry on the love you instilled in me. Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you so much!
In The Garden....
6 days ago