Saturday, July 5, 2008

A Heavy, but Grateful, Heart

I have many thoughts and emotions going through my head right now. In some respects my heart is full, and I'm thanking God for each blessing. He has brought such wonderful and special people into my life, and each one has helped shape an area of my life in some way. Some were brought into my life for reason, and when that task was fulfilled they slipped out gracefully. There were no angry words or broken hearts, simply a parting of ways. But there are some people that God has so graciously placed in my life that have stayed for much longer. They are the ones that regardless of what is happening, good or bad, they are there. They are there to share in the triumphs as well as the tribulations, and they are there with open arms and a listening heart. They are strong towers in the midst of life's storms, and they are rooted into our hearts, never to be forgotten or removed by the things of this earth. These people have been some of my strongest encouragers in faith, and lead by example without even trying. One particular friend actually led me to Christ, God bless her soul! :) Tonight, I'm so incredibly grateful for my friends (God's blessings) and my family. But with that, I'm a little sad, too.

I miss my mom a lot tonight. I don't know if it's because she so thoroughly used to enjoy the 4th of July and catching up with friends she hasn't seen in a while (and the fireworks), or if I'm just having one of those days where I miss her extra and wish she were here for me to snuggle with. I miss my talks with her, and getting her opinion and take on things. I know that although she would always choose my side, that she always gave an unbiased opinion of what the other person may be thinking or feeling. I watched a home movie tonight, just wanting to see her face and her smile. It's so easy to forget about all of the times we had together and end up focusing on her last days. I guess it's because those were the tough ones, and they left a lasting impression. Tonight I took some time out for me, just to think. I was remembering when Ter and I used to roller skate while my mom and her friend walked... and pulled us. I remember the dinners we used to have that would start with a couple of us and end with a house full. I remember her unselfish love for countless people, and her amazing love for us. Only a mother could love to deeply and forgiving. I miss knowing that I have someone like that on my side. I think that as we grow up we take our parents for granted... thinking they will always be there and that it's okay to give them the brunt of our aggressions because they understand. Although they do understand, they hurt just like the rest of us. I was guilty of thinking I would have my mom for much longer than I did... and as much as it was probably impossible, I sure tried to make up for it before she went home.

I don't think I really had a point to this blog other than I just simply needed to air my feelings. I needed to get them out so I could go to bed and think of the good and fall asleep thinking of blessings instead of failures and sadness. I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July filled with fun, family, and a lot of laughter.

In Him,


1 comment:

The Cohen's said...

I really missed Mom on Saturday too. But you know that God is taking amazing care of her and she's watching down on us every minute of every day.
She did her job with us, Tee. She made us who we are, and is proud of what we've become. GBS.