Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The timing of it all....

Let's talk about God's timing. Maybe you've given some thought to it, maybe you haven't... but it's really quite interesting.

This week I've been working through something that has really caused me to focus and think about my beliefs, and where I'm willing to "waiver". And with that, I've began looking at how I even got here to begin with.

Over twelve years ago, I was in junior high and "going out" with a boy that I held in high esteem. Although I was so very intimidated by his family (I was a teenager, you can all relate), I still liked to be around them. At the time, my boyfriend didn't want to go to church or be a part of anything to do with it. I, however, had been baptized a few years before, and was interesting in going back. I was baptized at 8, so although I was making a conscious decision, I don't know that I truly grasped the concept of God. So, when I was asked if I'd like to go to church, I graciously accepted. I had no idea at the time that it would be the beginning of my adult/young adult relationship with Christ. I fully accepted Christ, and continued going to church through high school. Because of this person's family, I ended up having an opportunity to go to San Diego for school. The summer before, I was in a car accident, and through that I was really forced to trust God and rely on Him to get me through. I had never experienced such pain or frustration, and yet He remained faithful. Although this wasn't what I had envisioned happening, it too had a purpose. Things weren't starting out exactly as I had planned, but I ran with the opportunity. I was able to meet people and go to a wonderful church down there, and also develop other friendships in the process. I became a part of a family down there... had two wonderful and amazing people that became my parents away from home. I learned what it was like to be a completely new area and not truly knowing anyone, and still thrive in my environment. Because my dad had some health problems, I decided that I needed to be closer to home.

I didn't know where I was going to live in Sacramento, or who I was going to live with. I ended up moving in with an acquaintance, and falling in love with him. We are no longer together, but this person was a strong tower for me during some of the most difficult things I've ever had to face. He was there for the exciting things, like my college graduation, and for the sad things, like the death of my mom. Had I not moved home, I would not have met him. Then because my mom got sick, I decided to come home for good to be closer to her. I can say that I gave it to God and looked to him to carry me through, the honest answer is that I may have done that a little, but I also rebelled. When my mom died, I was so mad and disappointed that God could and would take her from me. I needed her... I wasn't ready to say good-bye. There are too many experiences in my life that she is going to miss out on. For quite some time, I didn't attend church regularly, and I didn't feel as though I needed to.

Then, on a whim I decided to attend a function at our church. During the day and a half that I was a part of this event, I was transformed and changed. I realized that I had been so completely wrong about being mad, and knew that my mom was in such better hands, in no pain, and that she wasn't sad about not being here anymore. I can miss my mom and still be okay with the fact that God was ready for her to come home. From that time on, a fire was lit deep in the core of my soul and it has been burning strong ever since. I am yearning for more information, further study, more fellowship, love, and worship. I am finally content in my life with where I am and how I got here. No, I didn't always make the best decisions, but I learned from my mistakes. I now know that I am 110% willing to stand for my faith and make it the center of my life... the focus of my days. And I thank God for that! I have met so many people along my path, and I have complete faith that God strategically placed those people in my life. He knew what I would need and when, and that each of those people would help to encourage me in my faith in some way. I can't imagine what my life would have been like or where I'd be if I hadn't been invited to church. I know I would still be a believer, but I don't believe I'd be in this very spot, nor would I be nearly as strong in my convictions as I am now. And had I not learned to lean on my faith, my mom would not have been saved before she went home. God is so good, and so gracious.

I hope that you can look at how your life is playing out, and see how God's hand is orchestrating it all. What an amazing thought, and an incredible blessing. Thank you to each of you who have played such wonderful roles in my life. I'm so grateful.

In Him,


Greg said...

I am a New York Times bestselling author working on a new book about mother-daughter relationships and thought you might want to contribute a story. Please visit my blog for information about being interviewed for “Mom's Little Angel.”

Gregory E. Lang
Author of “Daddy’s Little Girl,” “Why a Daughter Needs a Dad,” “Why a Daughter Needs a Mom” and more.

Anonymous said...

Your words are very special and transparent. I am grateful that you are a part of our family.

Lexi said...

Hey there!!! I love your writing and ability to make things so clear! God has given you a great gift! It's truly been amazing to watch you transform over the... 5??? (Oh my goodness!!!) years that I have been blessed to have known you! You are a remarkable woman of faith and I just love you!!! Big hugs xoxoxox

emily said...

T- U write increatable peices from the heart and I enjoy all of them.Thank you for giving me the invite that changed my life.... Lots of love EM